The amount of time spent on thinking Is unmeasurable. It’s an accumulation of weeks, months or even years we spend on ruminating different aspects of life. I wonder: where is it all leading? Any conclusion I’m going to reach was probably already realised by the world, so shall I rather just enjoy things and avoid overthinking?
The thing is that without discovering all universal truths by yourself, one’s life shall never be complete. I need to worry about the possibility that 10 years from now on, I might be my greatest disappointment or won’t yet see the Caribbean. I need to consider the injustice that I’ll never be able to live all those potential lives I’ve always wanted to experience – from being a surfer girl in Byron Bay to a lonesome writer in an apartment in Le Marais. There are so many things I find unfair and terrifying, so many regrets I have though my life is just starting. I’m a bubble of frustration powered by long nights of pondering.
One reason why I know it’s a blessing in disguise is a hope, at the bottom of my heart, the whole process will let me arrive at a point when I fully embrace things that were given exclusively to me. My features, dreams and weaknesses. Long legs and messy hair. Impatience and ambition. I won’t reject the idea I deserve the best, because I will know I am not ideal, but I’m great. No, it’s not vanity that will take over me, rather, self-understanding. No matter where life takes us, it takes us as we are. No need to wonder – what am I doing here?
I am at the very beginning on my road to acceptance and self-love. Sometimes I even scold myself for being too preoccupied with my personality, as I might have exceeded all the limits of egoism. But in then, we need to leave with ourselves first after we try to step into realities of those around. Being at ease in your own skin is a prerequisite to truly bring out your own potential and form happy relationships. It’s a work in progress and it’s constructive. No deadlines required. Just consistency and thinking that’ll lead to right conclusions.