12/24/2014

floating



I embrace myself and get to know the life. There is no other order to follow to see things  to get a vague perception of reality. To be with the others through oneself.

To find an affirmation of own way of being and all the decisions in something simple. When you know the life you want to live, but you need to see the entire landscape of dreams and ideas that are being done.  And to always keep own head so full, of visions and thoughts loose that sometime they will become one.


I need to hear to the world to speak to it, to let the perspectives transcend and then I will get things done. And to keep writing, writing for the sake of it to let it come out and feel different just for a short while, when you’re thinking the idea you formulated is floating.

12/11/2014

the stars in the universe are lighting up my life


Here you are sometimes, where the ways are intersecting and you want to see them in their entirety and capability, but there is no way of knowing where the things will go.

It is like a universe where stars are points of reference but they are getting blurred, they go out or light up all of a sudden, because it is an endless flux and change. This overused metaphor of life is, so compelling, almost unimaginable so I need to repeat it all over again as words come to my head.

Sometimes, all we want is the moon, to reach to it, to always see it and let it guide us as one and only certainty in the whole suspense of constant alteration of the sky that is either becoming so drastically different to what we know or stays mercilessly same for ages of our days.

I want some things to be certain, but startling and my life to shimmer like stars protected by the love of some incomprehensible instance that would come to my view in its own time.

10/30/2014

clearing


If there is way of knowing
there is understanding
what can be said
is there below
under our feet.

So if there is way of knowing
there is way of being
being in transition
always and 
forever.

And what you came to say
I’ll stop it all
halfway
between hearing
and listening

is something,

9/28/2014

cool songs that could open a movie but actually never did

In movies, the opening song is a promise. It sets the mood, the pace, it elevates our expectations to crazy heights. The first tune can be slow indie, fast folk, catchy pop or experimental electro – the important thing is it translates the movie vibe even before the images strike. So here is the playlist of all these amazing tracks that could open a movie but actually never did.

Just imagine the endless script versions as you're listening.

broncho - class historian


james brown - the boss


boris vian - honeysuckle rose


the virgins - hey hey girl


jackson scott - together forever


neil young - walk on


darondo - luscious lady


belle & sebastian - piazza, new york catcher


marlena shaw - california soul


directorsound - pork & honey


9/25/2014

i look close and see nothing and that is frustrating




The closer I look at something, the more blurry it becomes. It is not just about the sense of sight; it is about our whole lives.

There are moments when I want to grasp so much and I end up understanding completely nothing. Sometimes I focus and I feel the idea or concept surpasses my intelligence. I want to be smart, who doesn’t? And then, I end up trying to take in all the information found, yet it doesn not soak into the grounds of my mind. There is a barricade inside my head that emerges at every moment of conscious concentration and openness. It is a house I am closed in and the doors are shut and windows closed and I cannot understand there are spaces unlimited.

This also applies to emotion. A blockade of feelings just right when I was about to absorb all from the outside – the colours and forms, the smell of wood and the softness of fabrics, the beauty and complete mediocrity.

And then I feel the grief growing on me. I start to think about the people, if they experience their own minds closing from them, separating the inner universe of their own selves. Seeing things vividly without looking might help and I need to try. If it helps I shall be relieved.

After a while, I realize life is simpler than that. No, it’s actually not. It should be.That’s something I need to accept.

9/22/2014

he just splashed the canvas and art was being created


Was it so? The Virgina-born large-scale painter Cy Twombly, whose name seems as abstract as his works, exploited technique of gestural drawing. Fascinated by finest classicism and mythology, he translated tradition to modern language that seems by no means more legible than the ancient stories of gods and symbolic creatures. In all its lyricism, the art of Twombly is contemporary to the core. That means it’s double vague and stimulating.

Look at it, the canvas swamped by strokes of paint in colours reminiscent of impressionists’ palette, ravaging idealistic forms with their fortuity. Think of it, the artworks that is supposed to express something, it has a title and a concept behind, I may not understand it. Feel it, depending on level of sensitivity and aesthetical preference, shiver in amazement, tremble with indignation.    

9/17/2014

the playlist of wondering


Swamped by thoughts, reflections and introspection, we need something to accompany the process. I want to celebrate the deep loss in universes of minds with a playlist that makes wondering a fascination.

karen o - rapt



jack kilmer - tm



cass mccombs - night of the world


real estate - april's song


cat stevens - don't be shy


yo la tengo - green arrow


arthur russell - oh fernanda why


john maus - do your best



9/11/2014

happiness is not a value but a state of comparison



 Another Magazine S/S09 Shot by Lina Scheynius, Styled by Camille Bidault-Waddington

Some words are phrased in ways so smart, they start to make you feel ditzy. When I read the paraphrase of Sylvia Whitman commenting on what Zadie Smith's literary message, I was swamped.

On hearing word 'happiness', I am automatically out of conversation. Trying to save myself from listening to mediocre life wisdom and pretentious reflections on other's traumas, I am sceptical about small talks on how to smile by changing own attitude.
Somewhere deep within, I know it all comes back to me and the zany states of my irrational mind, yet the element of comparison hit me. I started to analyse my ways of thinking founded on unconscious jealousy and unadmitted aspiration.

I am living the certain way now and I guess it is the way it is, because it was meant for me and no one else. Somehow, I feel more special now than half an hour ago.

9/05/2014

the story of a glove by max klinger


Woman drops a glove and the man picks it from the ground. That's the moment when it becomes a fetishized object, a spark for surreal hallucinations and imaginings.

Max Klinger, a symbolist, has created a series of etchings that let the glove live a life of its own. It is a life of fantasy and dream, where everything is elusive and fleeting, such as the sights we catch or our constant pondering. The glove turns into an attribute, haunting, tormenting the man, eliciting visions, illusions, carrying his mind into an outlandish spaces and worlds. You can't live a real life when emotions are deceived.

Our ways of interpretation of the glove are boundless. The dreaming continues. There are fantasies we want to live in. 
 
And Klinger, he closes the series. Later on, an asteroid will be named after him to commemorate the  talent, art, the universe.

9/01/2014

two women throwing flowers during carnival



When I think of impressionism I hear the names. Pisarro, Cezanne, Manet, Renoir. The pantheon of art masters is already filled, but I am not looking for technical perfection. I am looking for innovation.

If works of Mary Cassatt have never existed, impressionism would probably remain as we know it. Her painting did not revolutionize, but spoke words of her own and very private manifesto. Observing women's relationships and bonds, there is no trivality in the subject and aesthetical appeal merge with a meaning in symbiosis.

Exhibiting with impressionist in Paris by invitation of Edgar Degas, art of Cassatt was swiftly evading cheap sentimentalism. She created an image of a New Woman in pastel hue. And she embodied one.  

8/01/2014

the utopia of walter gropius



Physical and emotional needs of the society need to merge with order of space. Good architect is the one to grasp the sociological factor, while creating practically impeccable and aesthetically innovative projects. That’s what Walter Gropius used to think so he founded Bauhaus.

The German architect surpassed his contemporaries with utopian visions of perfect community emerging from the architectonical grounds. A complex theory of Gropius embraced the educational aspect focused on practical experience that bridged with the understanding of biological processes and the industrial era was supposed to result in finest architectonical solutions. He wrote a series of essays on his predictions of the visual future of cities. Idealistic to the bone, that you seem to end up reading a well-written tale on the block of flats.


Walter Gropius is part of architect pantheon  next to Le Corbusier and Gerrit Rietveld. The concept of Bauhaus is not an archaic one. It just seems a misfit for any period in history.  

7/14/2014

baby love girl



Let my baby stay. Baby’s wearing blue jeans. She’s really all I need. Baby. Love in stereo. She’s the one. Game of love. Another girl another planet. Crazy love.  Everybody want to fall in love. Wait for my love. Love makes it all worthwhile. Only love can break your heart. Baby let me take you home. Best of my love. Bye bye baby. Dedicated to the one I love. Girls and boys. Love rollercoaster. Girl from the northern country. Love is a rose. Jessie’s girl. Kill for love. Come back baby. Ordinary girls. Le temps de l’amour. You always hurt the one you love. I still love you. Somebody’s baby. Canadian girl. Lotta love. With a girl like you. I was made to love her. Girl. Sweet lovin’ baby. Nothin’ in the world can stop me worrying about that girl.

I figured out that all songs I constantly feel like playing on repeat always include word ‘girl’, ‘love’ and ‘baby’.

What does it say about me?

6/17/2014

thinking of flowers




Flower is the simple form on nature. It can be treated as something untouchable, a part of the earth, its cold, brown ground. But we make it into an object, an embellishment, imposing it with beauty emphasized by a crystal vase, so as soon it wilts, we throw it away, as it reminds us that beauty is a transient.

Flowers have been painted all over the years. If part of landscapes, they contributed to the radiance of the view. If sketched as a central element of the work of art, they defined the ultimate beauty canon of the age. Then, they were applied onto fabrics and textiles. So when they folded as a cover of our duvet or a pattern on our beloved dress, we could feel our attractiveness glowing out.

The flower is a synonym of something desirable that we want to observe from a distance and possess at the same time. Our attitude to flower reflects our attitude towards love and life.

5/29/2014

top ten songs to freak out to when you are alone

Not too much of a discovery to say we all get these moments when we are alone and we want to dance and these somehow epic songs happen to pop up on our playlist. Here is a 100% subjective playlist of my ‘get crazy’ tracks of all times.

is tropical - dancing anymore


the emotions - the best of my love


sky ferreira - i blame myself 


black lips - bad kids


rick springfield - jessie's girl


glass candy - warm in the winter


new order - age of consent


GGOOLLDD - gold


journey - don't stop believing


the boys town gang - can't take my eyes off you




5/17/2014

balthus


A genius of post-war European art. A friend of Alberto Giacometti. A man who embraced eroticism and love in equal measure. Balthus.

He spent his life on creation, travel, but readings about the artist draft an image of his best days. These were the times he spent with Setsuko, an embodiment of a woman, wife, muse and frame of Balthus's works. Sharing their worlds of intimacy and inspiration in Villa Medici and in a Swiss chalet, they created art emerging from mutual respect and curiosity. She, exploring the culture of the old continent, he, learning about the Orient, painting Shunga-infused acts. 

In the last 17 years of his life, Balthus painted only 13 works, probably none of them masterpieces, that's what the critics would say.

But I do not need a proof in a form of papers and letters to believe Balthus was a man who harnessed art. He has achieved it and built a home of his own that he cherished and loved. He described it with strokes in  'The Mountain'. A home where he and Setsuko kept a room locked, filled with exotic birds.

5/12/2014

antwerp




Dear Antwerp,

you are a masterpiece. Created by Rubens and van Eyck and Bruegel and Adriaenssen, your streets are silent and dark.

I want to cross under the river Schedlt and think about your past. I see you from a distance and I see you close, the beauty of yours is all the same, no matter the perspective. You are home to fashion one of a kind, you let the creative minds of Dries van Noten and Ann Demeulemeester thrive and grow. Now it's time for you to get something in return.

People respect your tranqulity, they do not rush, they ride their bikes and take the trams and move slowly with clear minds. I was one of them for a while and back in London it is not the same.

I want to come back to be part of the way you embrace the history and novelty. There is something dated and fresh about you at the same time. This contradiction makes me understand why did I feel with you beside like never before. Cheesy, but true, you are exceptional.

See you soon and never change,

x

3/09/2014

amateur discourse #2




I often wonder what disillusionment is. It is not that I never experience it. It is just I don’t accept it anymore. 

There are things in my life I wonder why they have occurred. Yet I get no answer. And I do know I will never find out why that particular thing happened and I stop questioning why, and wonder what for. This is constructive and does not allow my hopes and dreams crush like glass. This change of perspective is hard to obtain and even harder to maintain, but once possessed it makes life deep and meaningful and gears up individual’s aspirations to an unprecedented extent.

It is not self-deceit, it is self-motivation. When things move off track there is very rarely a chance to comprehend them, but what we can do and what can be constructive is to find no accident in them, yet in all their quirkiness and nonsense interpret them as most precious symbols pushing us forward.

I don’t want disillusionment anymore. I want to be wise. I want to feel my life is following its own path I cannot predict in anyway.

2/08/2014

amateur discourse #1



If life is not about trying, what is it all about then?

I feel the imperfections, these little flaws we do possess can be embraced and cuddled and utilized. There are songs, no matter what they’re treating about, be it love, friendship, life, alcohol or party, that keep repeating the‘one more time’ phrase like a mantra. But how clever is that. It is all about one more times. Million more times. There is no limit to our attempts and to our laughing and crying from all the failures. We can be like a record with a replay button caught stuck.

For all the bad things we can do, we can tackle them by realizing they’re our own flaws, that may be temporarily intrinsic, but in a long-term this knowledge is our chance to become someone different.  Constant change makes things pretty meaningful. 
I can’t believe how long did it take me to reach a conclusion as simple as that.